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Just an update of sorts.....

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 8, 2011, 2:15 PM


General Info


So I am back! well for however long I can be. Its been really hard to balance deviantart with the last couple of months, which haven't been a ray of sunshine...not to mention the freeze your balls off weather outside, which is just making me feel even more depressed. I lost my job, which is quite saddening but I start school on Monday, fun fun...maybe. College really sucks when you have to walk outside in the freezing cold to the buildings your classes are in...I am not looking forward to the numb toes I know I'll endure, and the goosebumps and just the cold altogether. But I really hope overall this semester ends with good grades. But other then that I've been a bump on the log lately, a depressed sad looking stuffed animal watching the day pass by before my eyes..lifes just been making me feel that way to be honest. I'm really not lazy.

I have also decided to make a separate account for my literature work, as I am planning to write a story soon and I feel like my literature work needs a boost of attention.

Lit account here: WhiskieLeafs (In the works)

Otherwise I have nothing much else to say really, Happy late new year! I hope that 20011 will be so much better then last year!

Features!!


As some may know I am the contest administrator for:

Photo--Assignment

Our last contest which ended in December (An Objects Point Of View), well I'm just now trying to get a foothold on giving out all the prizes I donated. Yes me being the admin and all I should be pretty punctual about this stuff, but sometimes life throws you in a dark hole and I'm just now trying to climb the fuck out of it. It's been quite the harsh blues lately. But here are the winners. As one of your admins I am very proud to be featuring your images!! Thank you very much for participating and making this contest very successful.

First Place!

look through by keine-angst
--------------------
a strange arrangement by keine-angst the possibility of escape by keine-angst
up by keine-angst vintage by keine-angst

Second Place!

taste it by Dobaju
--------------------
baby1 colour by Dobaju wow by Dobaju
old woman and athletes by Dobaju Helen2 by Dobaju

Third Place!

Time to Relax by phantaz
--------------------
Brokendown Beauty by phantaz Just Ducky by phantaz
Whimsical Light by phantaz Crab and the Coconut by phantaz

Member's Choice!

Toys by Dobaju

Thanks again guys!!!

Artists To look at!

:iconmickr7an: :iconbagnino: :iconanitasadowska: :iconprokra: :iconutopic-man: :iconlegendoflmpf:
:iconsquirry: :iconphotosbydoco: :iconhakanphotography: :iconcpaos: :iconryohei-hase: :iconbittertaste:




George Carlin: Yeah, it's right up there on the bulletin board: checkers, handball, cornholing.


  • Listening to: My Chemical Romance
  • Reading: shit my dad says
  • Drinking: water

My life became a rabid dogs play thing.

Journal Entry: Sat Nov 6, 2010, 11:12 PM


I've been doing an enormous amount of stuff lately and life also decided to take a shit on me. I Feel like some kind of a dissident little fiend, I've felt like there's been this oppressive heat breathing down my neck all week, infact these last couple of weeks. And life persistently keeps bringing on the bad news, as if not burdensome enough. My dad lost his job a couple weeks ago and nothing has been absolute ever since. It's all made me grateful I still have my own job, but the job itself and my parents have just become two unnecessary evils combined into one bowl. Nothing I do feels like it will suffice a satisfactory smile and it doesn't ever seem like anyone gives me atleast a little admiration for what I'm doing to nourish the crumbling walls around us.

Everyone is stressed and frustrated, I understand, but even to the unease of my chagrin, people are still badgering me, as if I make a billion dollars a week, I don't, I don't even make a measly 100 a week. Maybe on a good day, but business is imperceptible and the amount I get in my paychecks is slowly grinding down into a bloody pulp. I have my priority's too, I have a phone bill to pay for month to month. But all I seem to promote these days from the parental units is a frown and somehow I've just made it customary in my head to accept it. My needs aren't negligible, I'm trying very hard to compensate everyone else while I still make compensation for my own needs. But after the sun has buried itself between the trees my needs still become some minuscule trifling matter that we can all just run over with our cars.

But I'm still alive, my heart still functions and I could kick you in the face if I tried really hard. I just want everyone to believe, to know that I'm doing the very best I can, But the doubt going around my house like the plague is slowly squashing that reality. What happened to positive thinking?

In other news....I know I'm sorry I just rambled on about my problems, I'm sure no ones going to read them, but I still wrote them anyway. I have dedicated this entire week to messing around with my profile page. Which if your a frequent visitor or not to my page you might notice the differences I have made. For the past couple of months I've felt like its been a little too crowded so I changed some things around. If your wondering where I got The "custom user boxes", the one underneath my ID and under one of my deviations, heres the link.

LINK <--click this for the link!

But if you have somehow lived through my ramblings without spontaneously combusting, I thank you for staying with me.

Last weeks "weekly features"

:thumb185171355: Ninja II. by Johawna Pipe Rack by daYavuz:thumb184896250::thumb184233943: catch by mild-wave Twilight Sonata by zerocomplex

Mature Content

Natalie 3 - Rage by BareLight

Mature Content

Zosia. by lolaszalona
Birdcage. by PlaceInTheDirt

Mature Content

vegetarian temptation by kisselev
alive and awake by bailey--elizabeth bridge 8 by BelcyrPiotr bathurst st. bridge by mykil yetti tigretti angry by yetich Arts in the Alley by adriftphotography:thumb179243408::thumb115362295:

Mature Content

'Attention, Please' no. 2 by UffeJakobsen
rabbit tale by SuzyTheButcher The Kiss of Dawn by Purplejackdaw 051. by munchinees 9o'clock Loco 16x9 by particle-fountain

Mature Content

Lock me tightly by GerryPelser

Mature Content

My fragile heart by ScarletteDeath
starfish by kannagara alone now by BreathOfIndustry

Just in case you missed them

SO long for now
  • Listening to: miike snow
  • Reading: crescendo
  • Eating: ramen
  • Drinking: water

I am back!

Thu Aug 26, 2010, 9:14 PM


Yes, I've had a long absence from DA due to working a new job, school, and many other things I've had to deal with as of late, which is quite unfortunate because I have missed many things here on DA, of course with my absence I did visit this wonderful place from time to time, but its never the same being on here on a day to day basis, but now I can, and maybe tackle down that critique folder for scribbs, but I am back :D

First order of business is to show case the winners of :iconphoto--assignment:'s street fashion contest since I donated a journal feature for each of the top winners.

~OrgXIII-Fangirl-Lexa
-First place
Little black dress... by MiyakaMinamoto
Some of their deviations:
Walking a Backwards Path... by MiyakaMinamoto Colours of Summer 02 by MiyakaMinamoto
Going for a swim by MiyakaMinamoto:thumb169683095:

~guzganu
-Second place
Cool never gets old... by guzganu
Some of their deviations:
:thumb161936636: In the sun by guzganu
Cast A Shadow by guzganu Traffic by guzganu

~shadowfaxkc
-Third place
mq4 by shadowfaxkc
Some of their deviations:
happyness is simple by shadowfaxkc a 1000 words by shadowfaxkc
history trapped in a box by shadowfaxkc framing the everyday by shadowfaxkc

winner selected by our group members:

*inSOLense
:thumb170253188:
Some of their deviations:
Anarchy_1 by inSOLense Peace by inSOLense

Congrats to all our winners, thank you for submitting for this contest!
-----------------------------------------
goodbye for now my lovelys :blowkiss:

  • Listening to: chasing after lights-mitramusic
  • Reading: the girl with the dragon tattoo
  • Eating: your face
  • Drinking: juice

Its raining cats and dogs (features/overview)

Journal Entry: Mon Apr 26, 2010, 4:36 PM


A lot has been going on lately around here. I was very surprised to log onto DA and found over 2,000 messages in my in-box. O.o Of course that also counts deviations since I'm beta testing version v7 2 of DA's beta program. But surprised I was, because of all the, so far 3 years I've hung around this site, never have I gotten that many messages in my in-box, EVER. I'm still going through all of them....kind of chaotic. Whats new is that I just became a critic for :iconscribblers-anonymous: Although the job of a critic can sometimes be very challenging, I am settling in to my new role nicely I think; I love it, it brings me so much joy =D and its helping me write my own work, two wins. If your a writer, consider joining, its a great club, with a great atmosphere, and great people.

I'm also very excited to be one of the judges for :iconphoto--assignment:'s contest: Emotions in Monochrome. If your a member, the deadline is April 30th, unless otherwise changed by our group leader :iconkel-----bel: So get shooting and submit your images quick! :sprint:
-------------------------------------
fallen angelsWere all ravens sitting on barbed wire,
consumed in the nuisance of our fires,
rubbed raw in all the wrong places,
dazed, confused,
becoming people with different faces;
strength averted or gained in Godspeed,
friendship caught in a crossfire,
when will our wings bleed black and retire to red,
buried alive in turmoil and desire.
Headed for box springs and feathers,
yet treading on broken china with injured heartstrings.
When will we stop to smell the coffee instead of wringing our necks,
sometimes we need to swallow the water and drown,
probe through our neglect and loss of heart,
maybe then we'll become shipwrecked and found,
healed enough to remove the arrow from our hearts,
whole enough to perspire all the regrets,
and afterward maybe we can mature into sparrows.
Featured by :iconpoetrymann: Here: scarlettletters.deviantart.com…

Mature Content

Featured by :iconcoleen18: Here: news.deviantart.com/article/11…
Thanks a bunch for the features guys!! :boogie: :tighthug:
--------------------------------------
Interesting news for you to read :love:

-Scribblers issue 1 news.deviantart.com/article/11…
-Unworthy DD's news.deviantart.com/article/11…
-Around the world in a Deviantart minute news.deviantart.com/article/10…
-You are the only exception news.deviantart.com/article/11…
-Go on green: green photo feature news.deviantart.com/article/11…
-COMNPOSITION-simple guidlines news.deviantart.com/article/11…
-Community Relations-March 2010 news.deviantart.com/article/11…
-50+ useful photoshop plugins news.deviantart.com/article/11…
-------------------------------------

My own features:

:heart: Photography
:thumb160377746:
just flower. by Altingfest Angry man by Storbamsen
:thumb161298538:
:thumb161936636: .: snowly night :. by hayal25
Lonely Sneakers by adriftphotography

:heart: Literature

Match Point                                                     
     He quit using the phone. No help there. Girl-children answered every call he made. 
     They knew nothing.
     Time to take it to a small shop. Big stores weren't the answer. Nathan sighed.
     The thing was damned heavy. He'd waste gas. He only needed one part.
     Nathan took it to the Chevy. He used the seatbelt to hold it in place.
     The typewriter and case would survive a fall to the floor but the floorboard on his old Chevy might not.   
     The typewriter he got for
dave mustaine died in my headThe first time we met, I called him The Bitch. He lives inside my head dressed like a Nikki Sixx version of Sidney Poitier without the respectability, the panache or the blackness. His greasy orange Jeff Foxworthy mullet works scarily well with the Lemmy mutton chops and mustache, Stone Cold Steve Austin belly gut and Fat Albert outfit. He reeks of the rancid sweat you'd find on a hairy metalhead's drenched back at a Slayer concert, smiles like Cruella de Ville meeting Scar on an episode of Metalocalypse, and loves me as much as Hitler would. He didn't appreciate being called "The Bitch," so I changed it to the name I bestow upon the things I don't like particularly much in my life, like my car, my old laptop and my ex-best friend. I call him Dave Mustaine now. Blame the Metallica fan in me. I'm a dick, really, but not as much as him.
Is that what you think of me? A mélange of pop culture references? Is that what I am reduced to? How pathetic.
Yup. You're a Dave.
Typical

Destroy This PoemDestroy This Poem
To the person grading this poem
To the kind, patient woman hovering over this with a pen
Waiting to say kind, patient words in response, do me a favor:
Stop it.
Don’t Patronize me.
I did not slave over this with hammer and anvil
Shaping it into a masterpiece.
I didn’t paint it onto the ceiling of some church,
Going blind from the pain and the stress.
I didn’t even turn this in on time.
And while I’m writing this in my fifth-period economy class,
You can bet I’m not concerned with iambs and troches and Italian terza rima.
No, I’m concerned with how much water is left in my water bottle.
This isn’t a masterpiece.
Who are we kidding?
You’re not going to hurt it, and you most certainly aren’t going to hurt me.
Stop it.
Don’t patronize me.
I want you to destroy my work.
I want you to rip it to shreds with sadistic dominatrix glee.
Tear it apart from margin to margin;
Laugh openly at its crippled, struggling body.
Stab throu
The Eleventh HourThe black, polished shoes produced a perfect squeak as they shuffled down the corridor, a single sound bouncing from one wall to the next in the empty thoroughfare. Where ordinarily, there would be scores of people walking this way and that, headed to the various departments of these hallowed halls, tonight was different. The body of people typically assembled were already in a meeting room, sweating over coffee and cigarettes and Mark Johansen was running late.
In their long history, the Supernatural Order had faced world-ending situations before. The splintering of bloodlines which formed the vampire faction they hunted in the first place almost provoked a giant cluster-fuck which ended life as they knew it from their very inception. That had been a millennium ago, roughly. Back when humanity still believed in magic. Sorcerers, witches, and warlocks dotted the landscape of the Dark Ages and one magician in particular drifted further into the darkness, looking for immortality. That wa


:heart: Art

South of the Border by deviantdash:thumb148807517:
Beauty and the Beast by staje Golden Fish by ldiehl
The day that I wished to die by phungdinhdung:thumb39679869:
the Time's rosary by Ketka We Love The Rain The Most... by grzanka

Have a nice day!! :hug:

  • Listening to: Passion pit: little secrets
  • Reading: witch &amp; wizard-james patterson
  • Watching: the scrn
  • Drinking: water

Featured

Journal Entry: Fri Apr 9, 2010, 11:42 PM


So again I'm trying to find a journal skin that suits my fancy and yes, Ive went through quite a few, but I believe this one is perfect...and because I love pandas :iconexcitedflirtplz: But here's another round of features cause I'm a firm believer in showing off the talent of other fellow deviants whenever I come across it. As a club contributor of :iconphoto--assignment: I decided It was time to shed some light on some photography from our "general submissions" gallery, photo--assignment.deviantart.c…, here are some pieces that caught my eye.

The Giving Tree... by TwistedHearts uncertainty by jeally-bullet
Give up on your love by violet-funeralflower Little Girl by SHA-1
Waiting for a music by violet-funeralflower:thumb159110517:
:thumb158524683: bang bang by xMissTake
:thumb156836285: L'Anneau de l'Araignee by GregColl
run for your life by SunshineSnacks kiwi fruit. by Altingfest
:thumb145083687: Walk in the fog by Chris-Lamprianidis
Colorless Tulip by Boui34 Dancin... . by borntoamaze
My Calm by starrysurrealism

But it doesn't have to stop here, I will continue to devote journals to the members of Photo--Assignment. :iconawwehplz:

--My Own Findings--

Excogitation by Zemni Auto by Syndir
:thumb159890712: 4125 by spartakustum
:thumb159927182:

Mature Content

A moment to think by DesolateDesire

Desperation by CristinaPenescu
:thumb159971546::thumb147438135:

Mature Content

Web Designer by moodscapes
Commission: Kivara Manx by MaGLIL

--Literature--


:thumb123399369:
:thumb157746978:

  • Listening to: copeland
  • Reading: the scarpetta factor
  • Watching: the scrn
  • Eating: your face
  • Drinking: coca cola

Features

Journal Entry: Sun Mar 21, 2010, 7:55 PM


Another round of features, Some photography, good writing, art, and some clever films i discovered on the front page of DA.
I also decided I'd change my journal skin...getting tired of the other one...

:iconbigtardgrinn1plz::iconbigtardgrinn2plz::iconbigtardgrinn3plz:
:iconbigtardgrinn4plz::iconbigtardgrinn5plz::iconbigtardgrinn6plz:
:iconbigtardgrinn7plz::iconbigtardgrinn8plz::iconbigtardgrinn9plz:

black and white by RunWhiteRabbit I miss you by NineWhileNine
Cracks in the wall by xdyingtidex Vertical by Andross01
Cover by Andross01

Mature Content


kitt by cloftw
Martina... v2 by MaComiX churchlord you spun me out
of morning rays and mexican
china, out of paper elephants
and camomile flowers. you took
the tongue
and ears away from a deaf
mute and gave them to me
so i could hear the others
say speak the word of jesus
wide-eyed like children, so that
i could say my name is emily,
my name is emily but i can't
remember who
i am.

lord you gave me green
whisky when all i needed
was a glass of water in
the middle of the
night and arms instead
of a parting knife.
you wrote me a poem and
put it inside me and
the words smelled like sex
and tea leaves, carrot-flowers that
will emerge from the dirt
someday
smiling and all alone.
lord you plucked a boy
out of a tree and told him
to love me with his eyes
shut, but in the end it
was me who was too
blind. you gave me a sad
mouth and brown
eyes.
lord when you stopped
listening i threw away my
faith like pregnancy tests
and birth control. you stopped
listening and i counted the
colours in my bedroom, yellow-
grey-yellow. i sobbe

Delta 22Darkest night in cold dank pit,
Concrete walls so dimly lit,
With lights that flicker withe to black,
Heart and soul these walls lack,
Walls are tinted with sterile white paint,
that masks a thousand types of taint,
That fester in the concrete tomb,
The walls and floors become their womb
With rolled up carpet against the wall,
Rolled and useless so not to fall,
Steel and vents make dark decore,
Reflecting hate from concrete floor,
Rotten food upon the shelf,
Grows darker than what's in myself,
In cold dank room the mold will grow,
But outside it's jar it shall never know.
Outside the room lies clouds of smoke,
Black thick poison makes all life choke,
And quickly makes the living die,
None can pass through, though many try.
I sit alone, just me and mold,
In concrete prison dank and cold,
White walls cling to dust and lint,
How they deserve a different tint,
But amongst rusty tools no paint is seen,
Still paint unseen will flow sanguine,
And rusty tools catalyze,
the paint that in my bod
Perpetual Need
cold
shaking
stark
I knew she was sick when I saw her, frozen blue eyes half closed and darting from one direction to the next, panic, the sickness was holding her tight. Her face was like ivory, bathed in shadow, her tangle of red hair hanging over one eye. I watched her through the dust on my window, staggering to my door, hands on her shoulders hugging her thin figure. I knew what she wanted as well as she did.
-'Need a fix...got the cash...' her voice trembled with each word, half whispered, almost a hiss, it was like nails on a chalkboard. She reached into a back pocket, eyes still locked on mine, and pulled out the money. Her thin, pale hand shook as she held it out to me. I grabbed the cash with one quick motion and cooked up a hit.
The flame licked at the silver and black of the spoon, the dirt brown mixture bubbling and hissing, the smell of lighter fluid and junk filling every corner of the room. Her wide eyes were transfixed on the flame, nothing in her mind but her next fix

Stars. Up. Above.If the sky
could catch a smile
would life
be more worth while?
If the sky
lost a day,
would the world
become a disarray?
And If the
summer sky,
had a big blue-
green eye,
on the grass,
would you still lie?
By the pressure,
would you sigh?
Without umbrellas,
would you enjoy it's cry?
For the first tears to hide,
would you wonder why?
If I possessed
a heart,
I think I feel
pretty fucking smart
But I am
just stain,
with love
as my pain.
And if I
had a night,
I'd lose myself
in a write
but if I
had a night,
would I cut myself
and lose might?
And scream
in the sight
of a human's
glorious bloody sight.
The pain,
on this road,
makes time
bleed so cold.
Now time is
fucking dead,
the term "pride"
will live to dread.
Upon God's green mile,
would it be sinful
to break
a smile?
Because up there,
in the sky
something breathes,
a fucking lie.
And the twinkles
in the skies
reminds me of
a corpse below flies.
Your heart,
keep away.
I am monster
that has lost its way.
But maybe
I'll shed my flesh
and m
three hopeful wishes by dokurome
perception confusion .1 of 4 by LucyJOrchard darkroomTranslucent pieces of film covered the floor. White little frames with an empty black interior, polaroid pictures. Little clips vomited out a camera and saturated in water.
His phone vibrated next to his tray filled with cold water, making the frames shiver away in the gloom. Next to that, a nearly filled sketchbook, with the insides of it decorated with movement, like arms and their nerve endings.
He almost pushed his phone off the table, but he looked. It was from her and it said: "jay, i'm cold. bring blankets and soda."
"no. it's hot outside. go run down the street and get them yourself."
"how would you know? you're imprisoned in that hole. it's you that makes me cold, you know. you're never here and the kitchen floor gets too cold sometimes."
"that's stupid jill. go cuddle with your cat and ftw, you keep it cold in our apartment. don't text back. i'm working." There's no, "i'll be home soon" or "i love you," or "i miss you," just "i'm working."
He cupped his face in his hands. Lik

:thumb156155828::thumb157121986:
Acid CultureWe're sitting in his car. A couple of lights on the dashboard flicker on and off like fairy lights. Outside it rains heavily on the windshield, so hard I think a couple of times the glass is going to give and cover us in a blanket of shards. The way he holds the steering wheel, his hands curled and the knuckles sickly white, makes me think he'd like to yank it off. And from the way he glances to me, his harsh brown eyes reflecting the floating lights of the road, suggests he'd like to do the same thing to my head. He turns on the radio to drown out the silence between us. He moves to roll down the window but hesitates. His hand lands firm on the wheel again. My hair lies on my shoulder, thick and trickling, the ponytail a fat lizard. The back of my neck prickles uncomfortably.
"Rich," I say softly, but he raises his hand tensely, like he does when he wants me to shut the fuck up. So I do.
  This isn't like us. We're not these kind of people. We sit in crowded rooms and count
Life by Guldehen
Cheerio by onixa Slowmooo by sean08
:thumb156528909:

Mature Content

RIBS by MentalKitty

:thumb149709762: soften by 6igella


Enjoy!! and respect the artists. thanks

CSS made by TwiggyTeeluck
  • Listening to: see you in my nightmare
  • Reading: the scarpetta factor
  • Watching: the scrn
  • Drinking: orange crush

read

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 28, 2010, 9:39 PM











read.....comment....not finished...not finished with starting nor the end....and i didn't really finish the end...but i dont really care at the moment



:iconbigtardgrinn1plz::iconbigtardgrinn2plz::iconbigtardgrinn3plz:
:iconbigtardgrinn4plz::iconbigtardgrinn5plz::iconbigtardgrinn6plz:
:iconbigtardgrinn7plz::iconbigtardgrinn8plz::iconbigtardgrinn9plz:







She commands herself to move, her legs showing only a languid state of interest in moving at all. The sweat doused sheets creased as she sat upright, the springs from the cheap mattress digging uncomfortably into her alabaster thighs. The coolness of the floor caught her momentarily by surprise, the skin of her legs beckoned with a wave of goose flesh. Her eyes intently examine the lone window in the room, guarded with unsatisfied confusion; halfheartedly trying to see through the rain stains, bird feces, and dust left from unclean abandonment; yet curiosity still flickered in and out of her vision like a flame under the pressure of the wind.

The first blemish of condensation hit the window immediately followed by its many duplicated brothers and sisters; unabridged and continuous.

No umbrella.

A shrewd sigh escaped from between her lips, a furrow in her brow followed closely after. A spasm of pain in her abdomen catches her instantly off guard, seemingly a burning repercussion of what may have happened the night before yet she had no clear recollection of what the night may have offered In its nocturnal visit. A large discolored bruise adorns her left hip; a bloody orchid diffused underneath the ivory, paper thin flesh, bothered with repeated attempts by a fresh twinge of rheumatism.

Did he hit me.

The thought seems to linger far longer then willing like a traipsed man walking aimlessly with no hope of a stall in the corridors of her mind. Yet the gap lays blanketed by a dark unfulfilled void that no thought could ever completely fill and after a while her mind refuses the theory and promptly disposes of it, left never to be pondered on again in a closet already overflowing with skeletons and guilt.

Her footsteps echo inexhaustibly across the walls, which in turn continuously re-express the echo of her feet back. The bare bulb in the bathroom is a black abyss as if he had kept it on persistent to the fact light bulbs donít have any such immortal beyond. Her eyes examine the room; a large window opposite the doorway is bared down with a large evening black drape, a melancholy glow amongst its edges a conflicting decline of morning aurora. She examines the floor, battered and crude against its vulgar and ordinary surroundings. Three playboys, saturated, puckered and contort with use lay ill-mannered across the floor, the floor itself wounded and damaged with his careless habit of flicking cigarettes instead of carefully placing them in an ashtray, never having any diligence to where they might land.

The light poses a threat to her eyes, as she draws the curtains back away from the window, peeping through clenched eyelids to analyze the dawning of the day. The sun is a small half circle, imbued with an auburn hatred of the clouds, heavily veiled with the duskiness of a coming autumn biting at the wind; Barely recognizable as streaks of rain flow down the outside of the window like blood running cold down the pale face of an arm. Yet the forenoon state of the unbounded metropolitan only convinces her mind to relapse into a state of anxiety, quickly, her hands working to put the stray strands of raven hair in a tight bun; her serene coma broken through and left in the dark, lost aimlessly about with the parched filters of cigarettes and burned, off, yellow tile.

The mirror above the sink provides nothing but a strange perplexing glare, slowly and solemnly studying the teeth marks and discolored hickeys left among the neck and breasts of its beholder. A cold hearted breeze is prompt to envelop her body in complete twine, the frigid air of the room transforming her nipples to a crisp and puckered pink, drawing attention to its obvious dislike of the temperature. She promptly covers them with her hands, pressing warmth into the skin, providing the bramble flesh a way to diminish but providing no ward for the disturbed skin between her thighs.

She sighs heavily, her eyes showing nothing but a yearning desire for sleep, rimmed with dark desolation smugly fixed underneath both her bright ashen orbs. She scans the room, locking on to a small lipstick lying hushed and still in a lethargic puddle of water by the faucet, the cold metal barrier tarnished and heavily secluded in water stains from a repeated loss of being cleaned. She hastily grabs for it, uncapping the top and immediately applying the cheap cosmetic, the chapped face of her lips still showing through the mask of color, unable to be camouflaged or intimidated into disappearing. She felt her stomach groan with a displeasure of not being fed and immediately disappears off the burned ceramic tile to the dirty, scratched hazel wood that stretched across the floor of the entire apartment.

The bed posts are a dark silhouette, pushed against the ceiling like a monster waiting to pounce on her small frame. The floor creaks under the weight of her feet, studded with upset nails and debris brought in by the autumn afflicted breeze outside. She grimaces as she peals his T-shirt off the floor, pulling her head through the grey, moth bitten fabric and letting it fall the rest of the way down her body till it plants a subtle kiss just etching her knobby knees. The warmth it brings faintly attracts a smile across her lips, yet it quickly disappears as fast as it took residence. She searches for her jeans, finding them roughly displayed across the chest at the foot of the bed and eagerly puts them on, fastening the belt just below her hips.

The brisk wind comes as a surprise to her skin, quickly absorbing the warmth and cloaking her exposed knee cap in disrupted haste for fervent weather. She sighs as the rain kisses her flesh, the door giving an exhausted creak as she shuts it behind her.

Well atleast I know why I have a headache. I feel like shit.

The smell of wet dog, Coney dogs, and gasoline are a nauseating nuisance to her stomach, her shoes squeak as water pulsates through the riveted bottom of her vintage chucks, the green exterior being investigated by wet descending tears, cowering in puddles on the pavement. She sighs as her socks become soaked, neglectful to avoid walking into puddles, and possessing only the wishful mundane necessity to drown herself in the constant reel of a cassette tape and pee a river when she finally sat on a toilet seat, ridding herself of the rum and coke sloshing around inside her belly, languid and debilitated of constant abuse.

She searches for safe refuge, her eyes close aligned to the rain doused sidewalks and stores that gawk at her with the hope of teasing warmth. Finally settling on the pleasant aroma of a cup of coffee, sluggishly stationed in the air like a blanket of fog deafening the oxygen after a storm; leading her senses into a tantalizing reel of indecisive foreplay. She examines her surroundings, frowning at the rains obvious apathetic disregarded for her lack of a rain coat; yet keeps walking, ignoring raw pulpy socks as they squish and slide against the skin of her feet, rubbing the flesh a coral red inside her shoes, from irritation.


my new sub and features!!!!!!!

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 30, 2010, 2:31 AM



yay!!! superly duperly excited i got a subscription!! =D you can do so much *still exploring* O.o i dont even know what to do with myself...but heres a little somthing ive always wanted to do, a journal feature, my very first journal feature, so give a round of applause to all the deviants who i feature, for right now their photographs, later i will put up their icons. This feature will be simplistic, because simplicity is beautiful rather than focusing on a person, these are objects


------My Links------

news article

"Dissecting the human being" news.deviantart.com/article/10…

"Artist Guide of Definitions 1" news.deviantart.com/article/10…

:thumb152640437:
--it would be lovely if you checked out my new lit piece, just submitted it after months of working on it and would like and appreciate some feedback on it. Its graphic, so be forewarned..but that has nothing to say that its a bad story. Read the comment section first, i fixed the italics with html code, so read, its much better to read now!!! tanks you =D




features

:thumb126577137::thumb99760786: Redesigning a Connection by Kel-----Bel
:thumb140245732: The Light Of Life... by SankasShots silent echoes III by chimy-rainbow
Pepsi by andersh:thumb140363842: So i herd u liek Mudkips?? by Lindz0r
Converse by estherfidock:thumb115745803: my guitar by lemontree69
:thumb93574213: what a waste by mohdfikree:thumb45453168:
:thumb94462734: HOLGA 89 by buhoazul online by Linlith
Rainbow by Welody Friends by ximebetty alone by Curlywurlybob
:thumb68098053: O-many by DianaCretu:thumb55346776:
:6: by zvaella Yoyogi Koen by snyfrinx

:iconbigtardgrinn1plz::iconbigtardgrinn2plz::iconbigtardgrinn3plz:
:iconbigtardgrinn4plz::iconbigtardgrinn5plz::iconbigtardgrinn6plz:
:iconbigtardgrinn7plz::iconbigtardgrinn8plz::iconbigtardgrinn9plz:

the honorary feature-ees =D

:icon5anne5::iconsyda-ginger::iconkel-----bel::icondamagedpeople::iconsankasshots::iconchimy-rainbow::iconandersh::iconbenoitpaille::iconlindz0r::iconestherfidock::iconedona::iconmizho::iconbuhoazul::iconlinlith::iconwelody::iconximebetty::iconcurlywurlybob::iconseian-j::icondianacretu::iconxyexperiments::iconsnyfrinx:





  • Listening to: pachuca sunrise-minus the bear
  • Reading: glass houses
  • Watching: flap jack
so its been a while....i haven't been able to upload much of anything photography wise cause i don't have photoshop, the program i use most of the time if i don't like certain things in a photograph, but i am working on some literary type things, a story to be exact, or chapters, I'm excited, the first chapter right now is coming out really well, more then i ever thought it would...I'm just happy i haven't had writers block for a while, i hate writers block. And i might gobble up a subscription as well, which is even more exciting, there's so much I've always wanted to do but coudn't because of not having a sub....like featuring people, i would love to start doing that...but other than that, life is semi good...

to do list:
1) get a job
2) go visit my bfs mom
3) get photoshop finally
4) finally get some models to take photos of
5) finish drawings!
6) save up money to go to school
  • Listening to: i get it- chevelle
  • Reading: the scarpetta factor
  • Watching: flap jack
  • Eating: spice cake
  • Drinking: water

im bored

Journal Entry: Tue Nov 17, 2009, 7:52 AM


Im really bored

so i guess life has been pretty good with you,
your like a cold tongue unto the skin of my back,
the music that only ease drops in my ears,
your the soft fingertips that wipe away my suffering,
the book that i love to read.
Your the water that carves out the curves of my skin,
your the brand of happiness only meant for me,
your everything Ive looked for in my dreams,
ill love you forever and always,
in the cold,
the rain,
or sunshine,
our love has yet to die.


  • Listening to: dream theater
  • Watching: flap jack
  • Eating: oatmeal
  • Drinking: cran grape and ice

im excited

Journal Entry: Tue Nov 10, 2009, 3:56 PM



yay journal skins.....these are so cool.......^_^

Graphics by tyleramato
CSS by moonfreak
  • Listening to: techno
  • Eating: toasty toast
  • Drinking: OJ
  • Listening to: flyleaf-again
  • Reading: nightworld series
  • Watching: the screen
  • Eating: gardettos
  • Drinking: OJ
So i havent really made a new journal in a while, i havent really had much to say lately, ive been really busy with school,
i'm really glad that even though yes my high school art classes gave me a challenge, i'm glad that my art class in college is like trying to run with heavy clothes on in 100 degree weather, its hard! but challenging non-the-less and i love it. But i hate that its drawing 1 and we have surfaced every nitty gritty detail you can think of about the basics of art, the grades of pencils, how to draw ellipses, how to draw straight accurate lines, how to sit when you draw, using your shoulder to draw and only your shoulder < that was a pain in the ass..everything! i hate it so much, i don't like basics, but I've learned a whole lot and a big smack in the face because i didn't know anything until i stepped into this classroom.
I love my teacher, he is the bluntest man alive; the other day he came up first thing and said we all suck *he said suck ass, but ill just go with suck* at drawing cylinders and ellipses so were dedicating an entire week to drawing them right. Its good because i know i suck at drawing cylinders, so it was the grace of god that we got this assignment. Although the guy is humorous at least besides blunt, he dedicated one lecture to star wars, and beer in a paper bag, so awesome.
----------------------------------
news.deviantart.com/article/95…
i found this article on the front page today and thought i would share for any photography loving peoples around, i thought it was awesome and Ive gotten so many ideas that im gonna explore when time gives me the chance, should also check out the author of this article, its a club that im sure any of you that love taking pictures would find interesting and join!
Later days
  • Listening to: in the shadows-the rasmus
  • Reading: nothing
  • Watching: nothing =/
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: nothing
stolen from jackie......im bored so i thought what the hell, lets do this, or attempted without losing my head.....

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. ashe
2. my real name
3. kitty

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. iamdead1990
2. none only had one
3. i dont see the point of having multiple scnms, its pointless


THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My eyes
2. My legs
3. my sarcasm

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my embarrassment over insignificant things
2. not being able to take jokes well
3. the multiple things wrong with me

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Irish
2. German
3. English

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. people who abide by traffic laws lol
2. getting drunk (id rather laugh at the drunk fucks and no whats going on so i can draw crap on their faces when they pass out) haha, what?, its so much funner..
3. life in general

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
1. people who slow down right before train tracks and their car is made for that shit..T_T
2. talking on the phone
3. trends, cliques, all of it can go to hell, be yourself.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Heights
2. Losing the things/people I care for
3. bugs

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. out and doing somthing
2. a shower, i like to feel clean
3. knowing i didnt waste the entire day

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. underwears
2. a band t-shirt
3. socks

THREE THINGS ON YOUR DESK:
1. i dont have a desk bitch, if i did: my tin of sketching pencils
2. sunglasses
3. a camera

THREE THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST:
1. bad words
2. bad words
3. i love you

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS AT THE MOMENT:
1. celldweller
2. the black eyed peas
3. lady gaga lol i dont care if its a band or not

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS AT THE MOMENT:
1. tragedy-celldweller
2. rock that body-black eyed peas
3. montreal calling-mobile

THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
1. zack (screamo)
2. james
3. zach my bf

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS:
1. they say obscene things
2. their randum
3. not afraid to smack my butt and piss me off

THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. someone who can have a good time
2. who is goofy as fuck
3. caring and i can trust

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. their eyes
2. i like the bigger boys
3. if they can give a good hug

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
1. stop biting my nails
2. stop thinking
3. stop drawing

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. writing
2. Drawing
3. Reading

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
1. to talk to zach
2. a job
3. to be with zach....i miss him so fucking much

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. idk

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
1. sagatuck MI
2. up north
3. germany

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. write a book
2. do some kickass art
3. spend it with the people i love
  • Listening to: the alternative-IAMX
  • Reading: nothing
  • Watching: zach type back to me
  • Eating: cherry jam toast
  • Drinking: water
i have decided to feature my favorite deviants for every week, hopefully, i will show the deviants name and icon, write why they are my favorite and provide a favorite piece if possible, in some cases i like all their art. i wish i could show a thumb but cant because i dont have a sub so ill use what i have.
in no order:

Styush
:iconstyush:

favorite piece:

27 weeks
styush.deviantart.com/art/27-w…
When i came across this picture i immediately looked at her gallery, it is amazing, she is a great photographer, and very brave for posting her pregnancy photos, but they are beautiful, every piece is beautiful.

Benoitpaille
:iconbenoitpaille:

Favorite pieces:

The art of being mother mate
benoitpaille.deviantart.com/ar…
Anorexia, faceless enemy
benoitpaille.deviantart.com/ar…
overwight
benoitpaille.deviantart.com/ar…
the furred animals
benoitpaille.deviantart.com/ar…
la realite est lente
benoitpaille.deviantart.com/ar…
When i came across this deviants page, i was baffled by his photography, its all beautiful, but besides beauty i thought it showed everyday people in everyday life, he had photoed older gentleman and ladys, younger youth, some with tattoos, some with not, it just seemed so ordinary yet extraordinary at the same time and i loved all of his work.

Aeromachia
:iconaeromachia:

favorites:

aeromachia.deviantart.com/gall…
When i came across this fine deviant i was immediately drawn to her literature series, "Shades of Evening", it was the best literature i had found in a while and was pleased to read it and keep track of it. The story provided me with an amazing plot i could instantly get into with people who held lots of flaws instead of flawless characters i see alot of now a days, lots of obscene scenes, blood, characters with unique names, and vampires so sophisticated and flawed i fell in love....this is a great series, i would recommend it to anyone looking for a good read. but besides the literature, she does great drawings of all her characters.

Scarlettletters
:iconpoetrymann:

I would have to say i like everything in his gallery, he writes amazing poetry, that's sensational, crisp and heartfelt. All provides with amazing imagery and emotions, what i like the most about his poetry, and i always enjoy his deviations. Please read them for yourself, they are awesome.

Dokurome
:icondokurome:

Favorite piece:

Go Find Love.

dokurome.deviantart.com/art/Go…
I have known this deviant for a while and we are good friends, he is an amazing photographer and his works have improved greatly since i started watching him two years ago. But with his photos are also his words, they are beautiful dark and of all his truest darkest feelings, they are written with passion, and get me to the heart, they are heartfelt, and written with with a great sense of vocabulary, so please visit his gallery.

DiamondIvy
:iconbechahns:

favorite pieces:

Splayed
diamondivy.deviantart.com/art/…
fan
diamondivy.deviantart.com/art/…
also her literature, Phobia pt. 1,2,3

I loved this deviant first because of the variety of art she had displayed in her gallery, i dont see alot of people like that, so i loved she had photography, paintings and drawings, and literature as well. I really love her lit. it drew me in as soon as i read the first chapter of sorts and her black and white photography is to die for.

god-of-insects
:icongod-of-insects:

I have to say i was truly taken aback by the creativity put into this deviants pieces, she is an amazing artist with original ideas and a style that is hers and only hers and blows me away. Everything in her gallery i really loved and enjoyed looking at, and i loved that alot of the pieces were odd, different,horror like and creative to its max, this is definitely a deviant you must see.
  • Listening to: the alternative-IAMX
  • Reading: nothing
  • Watching: zach type back to me
  • Eating: cherry jam toast
  • Drinking: water
SO!! i am very excited to say i am going into college for a degree in art foundation, as expensive as it is, i never really thought any less of the cost but somehow or in someway i will get through it. And im sure with my first class, drawing 1, i will have lots of new art deviations to post because deviations have been a little scarce lately and ive been dieing to put some new stuff up, stuff thats actually good!!, the stuff i have put up has been so so in my opinion, i want some amazing stuff =) so wish me luck there.
I hope at some point here i can get a subscription, but who knoes, i could do so much with it, and i hope my mind comes to terms with its writers block, i want to write a chapter story of sorts, but everything has come at me so fast, school, getting into school, money, getting a job, that i havent really had time to think about writing or any ideas, so i hope at some point i can write......
  • Listening to: was it a dream? 30 seconds to mars
  • Reading: ironside-holly black
  • Watching: zach type back to me
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: water
I can blush in front of you and all you would do was smile and say i'm perfect

I never thought I would meet someone who could make me laugh till I cried, who watched funny comedies all the time, which I enjoy also; who shared so much in common with me

Were almost like twins, its almost freaky in a sense

I feel absolutely beloved in your presence

I never thought in my life time I could feel such a way that my heart felt warm instead of bitter sarcastic cold in the face.

I love that you're so weird and that I have someone to think about and miss.

I love how you know how to laugh and not mockingly laugh in my face.

I love how you make me feel warm, that includes body temperature

You don't find it weird I call you fluffy elmo or any other nickname I may come up with

You're a techi and a gamer so if I have questions because sometimes I'm technologically confused, you can answer them with ease

You don't find my sleeping habits at all weird because you sleep the same way

You support the art side of me and the me as a whole

And you comfort me when im having panic attacks because you know how they feel
  • Listening to: stripped-shiny toy guns
  • Reading: ironside-holly black
  • Watching: the screen
  • Playing: peggle
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: grape kool-aid
I don't mind that DA is making so many changes to the site and I don't mind that it says "needs premium membership" at the top of my page, I just simply ignore it because simply I cant pay for it, I don't have money to do so and I know others such as myself don't either; But I do mind that the first time I noticed the change it made me feel more like a beggar than actually part of the community. I do understand that yes the economy is suffering by a recession and DA is trying to capture some extra bucks, if that is even what it's trying to do, but this certainly is not the way to do it, even if it might be just a testing thing.

       Quite frankly to many non subscribed deviants like myself think it makes them seem like free loaders on the site and the people who have subs somehow inferior to them. But even subscribed deviants don't like this change, if I was a subscribed individual I would feel the exact same way; if I was a gift giver, I certainly would feel this way. As a gift giver some want to be anonymous about who they give subs too, I think it should be the gift giver and the deviant receiving the subs business, I don't think the fact that, ex. Marry got a sub from such and such should be displayed on her page, it might give extra attention on that gift giver and bring much harassment to them about giving out subscriptions, maybe to much attention, and make marry look like she cant support getting subscriptions on her own. I don't think this should be displayed for the entire deviant community to see. It should be something private between two people and those two people alone.
       However some gift givers rather like the fact their names show on the deviant's page they have given a subscription to, it gives them the sense of creditability honestly, but not all like some like being exposed in such a way. I think this tactic is pushing away more gift givers then drawing them in personally.

       Even having a subscription, some feel like they don't have the time or use for all the things they can do with a sub, some feel content with what is given to them without a sub and feel like, the "needs premium membership" shown at the top of their pages, might be pressuring them into getting a subscription, but honestly truth be told they don't want one.

       I feel like this is separating the deviant community more than it should be, testing or not. Its making those who have a subscription, feel like they are not apart of the community and those without one even more not with the community. When I first found this site and entered it, I had a sure sense of being a part of everything, being a part of the community and all its happenings and found I was very content with the services given to me without a subscription, I only thought of buying one when they introduced "journal skins" because honestly I thought that was a pretty cool feature and I like being able to personalize things but I thought that even that should be available to non subscribed members, because I feel like ALL deviants should be able to have a sense of personalization. It never bothered me much when the outlook of all the profile pages changed, I thought, "ok, that's pretty cool all things considered". Honestly nothing in this world stays the same, it constantly changes, and so I accepted the change and moved on; I thought it was simple and easier to change things around on my page and not so much a hassle or time consuming like it was before this change happened.

       But this new change, presented before all our attention, I feel is not fair to the community as a whole. Its pushing more deviants away and making me and many others feel not welcome here anymore as a non subscribed member; all of us, non subscribed or subscribed take the time to post out inspirations, our passions, our imagination and feel this is a great place to do so, but this change is fueling us to question that sense. Is this really about being a deviant and being a part of the community or is it just about money? It sure seems to be turning that route more then going the other way, and I'm beginning to question whether I should still be apart of it or give in to buying a sub with what limited money I have.
  • Listening to: i shake i move-LMFAO
  • Reading: ironside-holly black
  • Watching: nothing in particular
  • Playing: using my fingers as drumsticks
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: orange juice
so im a happy young lady who is outa her 4 year hell hole finally....

today i had to take those damn assessment tests before i could see a counselor about my classes, so bloody ridiculous, i thought i would start hyperventilating when it came to the math portion...or melt into a puddle of blood and skin and vagina, yes because i suck balls at math, i hate math, i wish the subject ceased to exist. oo and when the lady at the desk handed me my test results, she gave me this mocking smile as if to say, "woooow you sucked", i was gonna go off on her in two seconds, but i held my tongue until i was happily in my room.....

the other good news is my very lovely boyfriend, i think he has to be the greatest of them all, he tops every bf ive ever had in the past so im a happy lady
Cameras have been used for centurys, let alone been around for centurys, we use them for a wide array of things, for fun, for art, or for some, it is their profession to hold a camera everyday. whatever the case this article is dedicated to all of you lovely people who take part in using a camera, whether its digital or old fasioned, CAMERAS UNITE AND RULE!!! oldschool camera by KelliCrush Love Baby.w by winnie13 :thumb92627615: Eastman Kodak bellows camera by ulose2piranha My Digital Girlfriend by InConflict me and my new camera by NatyBoy Camera by Stevotheclown Digital? PINK? by SpringBaby Reflection by Plornt :thumb50310843: Kodak 35 by achfoo Polaroid by jamesaesthetic Polaroid Memories by wraith11 polaroid by DustDelight A Camera For The Day by CrazyKcee :thumb70897932: polaroid by Lostinyourxheart polaroid by jul-ing :thumb72463586: The Hands of a Photographer by elliesuhh new york, london and paris by AprilNoises I almost heart the camera by ShotDownEgo

Mature Content

what men really want by cabin-pressure
My First Camera by jamiepane :thumb23674156: Dreamer by Lexxen :thumb109378148:

Mature Content

Objectify by Halohid
:thumb118208203: I love retro cameras. by spanish-deviants Cameras by garotoslipknot Camera Graffiti by faugh :thumb60313498: :thumb70435662: Through the lens of a camera by Fransapo -for the love of film- by fangedfem camera by mkendall Erika and her camera by scripturemonkey :thumb113922401: camera by ShadowOfTheDay14 camera and red nail polish by laa-laaa Camera Love by CrazyKcee Camera. by AbunaiYatou old new camera by loungefrog Camera Tattoo by JeremyBrotherton converse and camera by inspired-by-fire Polaroid Camera by topalecat camera by kayladdiction Smile for Camera by jojobatanesi Fake Camera by dropdeadrosie :thumb120312063:

(all credit is given to all artists of pictures above)
  • Listening to: silent disco-bells for Rene
  • Reading: paper planes
  • Watching: well just now the spider crawling on the wall
  • Playing: nothing inparticular
  • Eating: does biting your fingernails count
  • Drinking: water
I can't think of anything to draw besides the yawn forcing my lips to part or my forceful sips of milk and coffee straight from the warmth in my heart. Drawing is like parting the red sea and tonight parting water isn't happening because I feel like I just swallowed a bunch of water and its pooling at the base of my throat.
I can't draw tonight because I'm thinking about way to many other things and the fact I have a dead line makes it even more challenging to keep my head above and beyond the skies limit of thoughts. They say we have 26 something odd wake up days but for me it feels more like an eternity of time I have to keep myself somehow continuously motivated, that's a pain in the butt!
-I know that this thing they call motivation is slowly draining itself from a mind slowly boiling in agitation of high school and sleep deprived, I don't feel like taking the time to go to bed early, my motivation to do that slowly leaked out of my pores and doesn't seem to be present at this very moment and time. Its no loss to me, it just kicks my butt the next day since school is boring me to death, it's a bad sign when your teacher shows you a movie about Egypt and you cant find a comfortable way upon your desk to sleep.
So school is slowly but surely driving me up the wall, and I thought it would never happen, But I guess it doesn't last forever.
Trying to get through the hallway during passing time is like trying to push myself through pain in the ass, non-moving, standing in the middle of the hallway, cattle, I don't even consider any of them people anymore, there all stupid and ignorant cows. But when I leave ill definitely miss shoving people out of the way since ive had to resort to that; none of these dumb fucks respond to could you please get out of my way, they take it offensively so I just shove them and get on with my day.